The Cleanest Picture

While the uproar over I&B Ministry’s high-handedness in cancelling the telecast of The Dirty Picture still continues, few have bothered to examine what really makes the said film ‘dirty’. There are no sex scenes, just one kissing scene, no bare back scenes… just a lot of cleavage thrust ‘shamelessly’ into the viewer’s face. 

But ask yourselves… doesn’t your friendly neighbourhood Bhalla aunty show off more when she bends to pick up the morning newspaper or your very own Sakku bai when she swabs the floor? And why is it offensive for a woman to show off her décolletage? What is wrong with acknowledging the existence of breasts? Would you ever be ashamed of having knees or fingers or a nose? What’s the harm in showing off an aesthetically packaged cleavage… 

We have all aspired at some point of time to be able to carry off a plunging neckline! (Plug! Plug! Plug!)

Haven’t we seen far greater skin show by Urmila Matondkar (“Hai Rama yeh kya hua?’) in Rangeela that has been telecast at least a hundred times on TV since its release 15 years ago? And what could possibly be dirtier than the sundry characters played by Shakti Kapoor? Haven’t Juhi Chawla and Anil Kapoor gyrated to, “Main maal gaadi tu dhakka laga” and “Khada hai khada hai khada hai” from Andaaz? I clearly remember watching Mamta Kulkarni and Mithun Chakravarty’s now legendary “Button meri kurti ka” being played on DD Metro’s Superhit Mukabala (now isn’t that a Sarkari channel?) And don’t even get me started on Madhuri in Beta and Khalnayak!

The Dirty Picture is perhaps one of the cleanest movies ever made… It’s not about sex… It’s about insecurity, politics and jealousy coming together in a wild orgy of hopelessness… and one woman who used her body to pull the right strings till she too was swept away by hubris and loneliness…

Jerk!

This Friday is going to be very interesting for movie watchers. While the affable Ayushman Khurana will play Vicky, a young man who gets paid to jerk off... newest Bong bombshell to come out of the Bhatt arsenal, Palomi Dam, will lay bare the deep dark recesses of the mind of a woman seeking redemption (always an interesting area to explore). Wonder why the Bhadralok in Poshcim Bongo want to paint her bare back blue in the film's posters... Do they have some secret Smurf kink?

I know what will be my 'paisa vasool' moment... a shirtless John Abraham getting wet and wild in a song that I'm sure will make no contribution to the storyline of the film he is producing. But as the said film's tag-line goes... Every Drop Counts ;-)

Takes me back to lines immortalised by his ex-flame Bipasha (the original Bong Bombshell of the Bhatt camp) in Jism... "Barson se is banjar zameen par barsaat ki ek boond tak nahi giri... Aur ab yahaan toofan aayega..." (I wanna kiss the horny little devil who wrote that!)

Vicky Donor also took me back to the 'reckless abandonment' argument from Legally Blonde. Or the priceless "Tujhe Holi khelne ka bada shauk hai, par suna hai ki teri pichkaari mein dum nahi!" from The Dirty Picture. Man... I love this new breed of writers!