Ek Akeli Jawaan Ladki

It's tough being a single 29 year old in a city like Mumbai... Try finding a house (bigger than a 1BHK) on rent, saying you want it all to yourself, and everyone from the broker, to the home owner, to the neighbours would 'advise' you to share the apartment. Do they fail to understand the concept of personal space? Is it inconceivable to them that a young single woman would be willing and able to spend that kind of money? Or is it something more sinister... the presumption that a well paid single woman, who is unwilling to share her personal space... is a hooker? They will either refuse to give you the house saying they are looking for a family, or in the unlikelihood that they do rent out their house to you... notice how each watchman, liftman, newspaper boy, domestic help, neighbour and sundry auntyjis will keep a hawk's eye on your male visitors.

I live in a luxurious 2BHK in an upmarket neighbourhood. Given that my house is on a higher floor with a breath-taking view, and that the resident demographic appears to consist mainly of young, well educated, urban, rich couples with small or no kids, I thought they would be open minded. I have my own business and on most days, I work from home. I have clients, friends and other sundry visitors coming in throughout the day and most of them are men.

Given that I am newly single and have a healthy sex life, I also have male visitors after daylight hours. One of my male visitors, Mr. Hotness, who was a permanent fixture in my bedroom in my previous home, visited me for the first time in my new home this weekend. He was not only going to spend the night, but also drop in frequently and at all kinds of un-Godly hours. I had to prep the building security guys about this. So I decided to go down to greet him at the reception desk in the lobby.

"Aaj sign kar raha hai, aage se jab bhi aaye aane dena... Mera bhai hai," I lied with a straight face. Thank God, Mr. Hotness did not raise an eyebrow or do anything to blow his cover. After all, it was already well past 10pm. Two auntyjis shared the elevator with us on the ride up to my floor. I could almost hear their thoughts, "Shakal se toh bhai nahi lagta... Raat ke 10 baje ke baad, paraaya mard ghar aaya!" Luckily they did not ask me anything.

Once inside the house, Mr. Hotness burst into peals of laughter as he hastily took off his pants. "You think anybody would buy that I'm your brother? Honey, we look NOTHING like each other!", he said with a characteristic twinkle in his eye that never failed to melt my insides. I promptly shut him off with a bar of sinful dark chocolate and went about fixing his drink. I led him into my bedroom, where we spent the rest of the night in a whirlwind of sexual fantasies, dirty talk and alcohol. Exhausted we both fell into a dreamless sleep.

The morning after is always tricky... We had to maintain a distance in front of the domestic help and this was going to be tough as we both woke up only when she rang the door bell. There was no time to set up a sleeping arrangement in the living room to make it look like Mr. Hotness had spent the night on the couch in the living room. Plus he is usually a little lost and disoriented in the morning, so he just stood in my bedroom, blissfully pant-less, scratching his head and stretching his limbs in all his glory in full view of my maid who I quickly led first into the kitchen under the pretext of first washing the utensils. She usually first sweeps and cleans the entire house. I quickly poked my head into the bedroom and hissed menacingly at Mr. Hotness asking him to wear his pants! I popped back quickly into the kitchen and guided my domestic help to the washing area insisting that she wash the clothes first. As she got to work with her back towards me, Mr. Hotness and I quickly transferred a mattress, a bedsheet and a pillow into the living room. He then parked himself in the balcony with a cup of coffee while I went about fixing his hair to make it look a little less like he had fallen out of bed. He wanted to go out and ring the doorbell and enter the house officially, but I knew that the maid had seen his nangi-pungi angdaai!

The maid finally 'officially' saw him when I asked her to leave without sweeping or cleaning, saying I was expecting some students who would anyway dirty the apartment. She gave Mr. Hotness one last questioning look and left without a word. We then promptly went back to the bedroom and stayed there for most part of the day, except when he followed me into the kitchen and looked lovingly at me while I cooked his breakfast. (What can I say, woh mere andar ki aurat ko jaga deta hai!)

There was no dearth of verbal and non verbal communication. He is quite an intellectual and can hold his own in controversial debates. We talked a lot that day... about how sex should be about pleasure, about why even hookers deserve respect, about how we looked great together... almost like a husband and wife... We even talked about having children!

I finally forced him into the shower and went about fixing his lunch. We ate quietly, with the measured serenity of two people who have spent a lifetime together. I urged him to spend another night with me... there was so much more we could do together... But he left saying he had a family waiting for him at home. He promised to return soon.

As I look at his still wet towel hanging nonchalantly from the arm of a wrought iron garden chair in my balcony, I can't but help myself from picking up the phone, calling him and telling him, "Harrish Iyer... Kabhi toh cheezein sahi jagah par rakh diya kar!"

Yup, my 'after dark male visitor' was none other than BEDARDI BAALAM (a.k.a Harrish Iyer), an Equal Rights Activist who is best known for his quirky campaigns for the rights of Homosexuals. He has also campaigned for the rights of Children, Animals, Homeless People and even Hetrosexuals! The visit was to ideate on and build the website for his campaign for Women's rights. Watch this space for more. What can I say... I'm happy, and he's gay!

And today, April 16th, is his Birthday... Big kiss!