Head, Heart and Hormones

Sometimes I wonder if men and women can ever just have sex… no strings attached… We all love doing it, but one of the two… somehow always ends up investing emotionally. Wonder why?

Why is it impossible to view sex as… say a recreational activity… your favourite team sport! It helps you burn calories, keeps your heart healthy, makes you feel calm and satisfied (OK OK… So sometimes you have to fake an orgasm, but it only teaches you to be smarter and choosier the next time!)

So why is it so hard for both parties involved to treat sex as something as normal as eating, sleeping and pooping? Why do we have to complicate things? No one appreciates indigestion, insomnia or constipation… then why the hell do we complicate sex? And what’s with the nasty labelling… ‘Havas ki devi’, ‘Vaasna ka pujari’, slut, cheapo, ‘paap ki dukaan’?

Why is it so hard to separate the heart from the hormones… or more specifically neurotransmitters?  It is all in the head. Sab chemical locha hai! Detach yourself emotionally from your relationships… and analyse them with just your head… Love is a very beautiful emotion, but as you will discover, most of the time what you suffer from is another four letter word… It is in fact the most dangerous four letter word in the world… DOSE

D- Dopamine. It is a neurotransmitter that controls the brain's reward and pleasure centers. It brings about a feeling of excitement

O-Oxytocin. Yet another neurotransmitter that is responsible for making the mating couple feel like a bonded pair. (This is the scariest one)

S-Serotonin. This neurotransmitter is associated with feelings of well being and happiness.

E-Epinephrine. Street name Adrenalin… responsible for our ‘fight or flight’ response, associated with high risk behaviour… You get the drift.

Ask yourself… Are you in LOVE? Or is this a case of DOSE?

And finally we come to Marriage/Shaadi/Vivaah/Nikaah/Lagna/Biye… (I speak a lot of languages and I’m not afraid to show off!) I’m not judging… to each his own. You wanna spend your life with the same man/woman, I’m happy for you… All the best! But are you sure, you are ready for a committed relationship? Two signatures on a piece of paper do not make a marriage, neither does exchanging rings/vows/garlands… A marriage is also not a social structure built to hold together a mommy, a daddy and babies. You think children are products of love? Look around you… a vast majority of those around you are the by-products of a marriage, or the result of failed contraception or worse still marital rapes.

Why do parents burden their children with expectations? It is because most children are not the products of love. Most children are born to fulfil a purpose, to play a role, to live as per a plan laid down by ‘those who know best’. Every kind of abuse is a cycle. Emotional abuse seeps down generations. It is very difficult to break such a cycle and often this cycle of abuse becomes a way of life, it becomes the norm.

Ask yourself some really difficult questions:

Do you really love your child? Why? Is it because you gave birth to the child? Does that mean parents of adopted children will never be able to love their children as much as you do? Ask yourself… Isn’t parenthood the most selfish relationship? You create/bring somebody into your life because YOU want to love somebody… and YOU want somebody to love you back!

Do you really love your parents? Why? Is it because you feel socially obligated to do so?

Do you really love your husband/wife? Why? Is it because he/she is the one you promised to love… and the promise was made amidst great ceremony in full view of the society?

Ask yourself… What is love? Have you ever truly loved anyone? Are you capable of love? Do you feel love? Do you understand it? Or are you one of those countless idiots who dismiss such questions with a hazy, “It is a deep emotion, too difficult to define or explain…”

If you really love someone, you will always know precisely why you love that person. You will also concede that love is never selfless. “I love you”, begins with an 'I'. “You are the center of MY universe.” “I can’t live without you.” Love is all about what makes YOU happy and what makes YOUR world go round. Why else do you suffer a heart-break and feel sorrow when the love of YOUR life finds love with someone else?

I know what love is… I know why I love the man I love. It is because he is a reflection of me, my doppelganger. He cherishes and embodies the same morals, ideals and values that I hold in the highest regard. He is independent, strong, self-made… he is a warrior and bears scars of past fights… scars that prove that he is a man who will stand his ground, fight for and defend what he believes in… honesty, hard-work and a sense of honour. I know I want to live for him, with him and as his and his alone. I know I’m prepared to fight for him. I also know however, that I’m NOT prepared to die for him. 

My love IS selfish and I have the guts to accept that. I also know that my man will never be mine for he has pledged himself to someone else and is happy with her. I’m selfish and I feel terrible about my inability to be happy for him. But I’m proud of my strength and my ability to accept the truth.

You see… The truth ALWAYS sets you free!